


Hurt.

by MashuraDi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, And after Season 5, Angst, Around Season 5, Based from Renezinha's fanart, Claire and Amelia, Hints to Nickifer, Illustrated, Lucifer Possessing Nick, Lucifer Possessing Sam Winchester, M/M, Past Nick/Jimmy Novak - Freeform, Rated M for Suicide, Suicide, and maybe one-sided Casifer, mentions of Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MashuraDi/pseuds/MashuraDi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My part of a fic trade with my friend <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha">Renezinha</a>.<br/>It's based on our RPs, an Alternate Ending from our AU. Around/after season 5.</p><p>AU in which Lucifer takes Jimmy with him, offers him a deal that involves Nick. Jimmy tries at first but then can't deal with certain kind of things, and gives up. Lucifer has other plans though. </p><p> <b>[With art made by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha">Renezinha</a>.] </b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Renezinha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha/gifts).



 

* * *

 

 “I'm sorry...” A weeping, trembling voice said, “I'm so sorry... but I can't.”

He wasn't sure why he had picked this place to die, but it seemed appropriate. The last motel room he had chosen to escape from everything, even before the Devil had decided to show up in front of him with some sort of _deal_. It had a deserted area, and mostly trees could be seen behind this motel. James first thought of doing this with a bunch of pills, inside the rented room, but then opted to go outside and lose himself between the darkness that were these woods.

Dropping to his knees, hands gripped tight the dirt and wet grass under him. It was late in the night and it was cold, oh so cold, but it wasn't because of it that he was shaking.

Mostly fear. Fear of the unknown.

He had made his choice by now, and even when he had some images of what was yet to come for him, he couldn't say exactly how Hell would feel on his skin. Well, on his _soul_.

Castiel has gone to Hell a few times, wearing his skin as a vessel, he had seen the pain down there, the suffering, but he couldn't think of that as being worse to Castiel's idea of changing vessels, and take his own daughter as his new one. Jimmy had pleaded with him to let her go, and take him instead, again, but Castiel somehow, had changed. James was aware that he had been dragged back to heaven, and that something had happened to him, but he couldn't tell how bad that went. All the human had as an answer, was the Angel telling him that Claire has chosen, and then he vanished.

He remembers Amelia crying, falling to her knees, yelling and blaming whatever God was out there. He remembers his wife cursing and screaming that all of this was his fault. If Jimmy had never come back to them, maybe her daughter would be safe beside her mother at least, trying to continue living a life with an absent father, a father that had said Yes to Castiel at the very beginning, believing it was a mission, an order from the same God they all used to idolize as a good christian family.

And then there was Nick. A man that used to be his lover in times of need, the best friend he had for years, and that after finding out he had said Yes to Castiel, he as well decided to end up with everything. Thinking he would get justice and peace when the Devil showed before him, telling him he needed him as a vessel, as a partner. The blond had lost his family before, his wife, his baby boy... But losing Jimmy months later was the push he needed to give himself up completely, so he said Yes to the Devil, and Satan wore his skin for whatever mision he had.

The Devil would show up later before James, and tell him the reasons why Nick had agreed to help him out, and Jimmy couldn't believe he had found the _bottom of the well_ , when he thought he couldn't hit a lower level in _depression_.

He have also lost Nick because of saying Yes to Castiel. He had lost his wife, his adorable daughter. Everything. And even when Lucifer had offered a deal to get Nick back once all of the madness regarding the Apocalypse was over, Jimmy didn't feel it was enough. He wasn't strong enough. The deal consisted in telling Nick that he was still out there, so Nick would have a reason to continue living, and all he had to do, was stay close to the Devil. To give him someone to talk to.

For some reason, Lucifer thought Jimmy was different since one of his brothers had picked him for a vessel, and the fact that James still had part of Castiel's grace inside him, made the Devil feel rather nostalgic. He missed his brothers, and Castiel was one of the few Angels with a mind of his own, somehow. There was also the thought that maybe Castiel would come back for Jimmy, but that didn't happen. Not yet at least, and all Lucifer could do now anyway, was wait. Wait for Sam to come to him and say Yes. Wait for a fight he didn't want to happen with his older brother.

So there was a choice, and despite James's behaviour, he gave him a few opportunities to think on what he was doing. He could walk free, he could do anything, since his demons weren't allowed to touch a single hair on his head. Jimmy had taken his word tonight, and walked away from the old building the other was using as a hideout.

That's how now he ended up here, with both wrists covered in blood while his vision got blurry, and dark. The razor blade was still being held between a couple of fingers, and he knew the cuts were deep enough to make him bleed to peaceable death. The tears that continued rolling down his cheeks, his body shaking, the pitiful weeping sounds that came out of his trembling lips didn't make the human feel any better. Soon he would be lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood, but he didn't care. He just couldn't.

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry,” he would continue saying in such a weak voice. Thinking about the family he had lost, about Nick... even about Lucifer. He was mad at him for taking his lover for a vessel, but he as well was willing to give him something in exchange, wasn't he? Jimmy couldn't understand it, why was this Satan so different from what the bible had taught him? No... He had to be _lying_.

Thoughts about Nick finding out that he wasn't strong enough to save him filled his mind at one moment, when his eyes began to fail him and all became dark. He knows Amelia hated him by now, but Nick was tied to him, he could have saved him if he had let him know he was still around... But there was also fear of facing him later, even if Lucifer said the truth and was planning to let him go afterwards.

It didn't matter in the end, not right now.

He knew he was about to pass out, he couldn't feel his arms, his limbs... He's lying on the ground right now for all that he knows, and his heart's beating slower with each passing minute.

_I'm so... so sorry..._

The image of his daughter when she was a baby, cradled in between his arms filled his thoughts right before his heart stopped beating.

…

 

* * *

 

“The human ended his life not so long ago, Father,” one of the demons would say to Lucifer, who was just trying to find some rest in the silence of the room he had picked for himself in that old building. Lucifer wasn't surprised, but gave the demon a look to let him know he had heard him. The demon in a male vessel then left the room, and left Lucifer to deal with his own thoughts.

_Hmm._

Narrowing his eyes, Lucifer brought a hand to his forehead. Then James had decided to kill himself in the end. He wasn't surprised with this, but he had hoped that somehow, Jimmy would try to prove him wrong. When the Devil had this awful thoughts regarding mankind and their evil nature. And how many of them blamed him for their own choices?

It bothers him, but then again, what was there to find out? He was right in the end, humans were murderous, flawed abortions. None of them has tried to prove him wrong so far, not even Nick.

Sure, Nick said Yes to him, but out of vengeance and hate towards God. Under different circumstances, the blond would have never said Yes to him, not to help _Satan_. Still, he liked the human at some point, because he could sympathize with his miserable life. He had promised Justice and Peace, and he was planning to keep his word.

Nick wanted to die once he was done wearing his skin, he could hear his thoughts, and they continued the same till this day. _Death_ was what the blond saw as Peace, Justice came in the form of _Vengeance_ for what God allowed to happen. It wasn't about his wife, or Jimmy at this point... but a baby? Nick couldn't understand, and while most believers say 'God works in misterious ways', Nick couldn't accept it. He had to blame it on someone, and that someone was God. Lucifer was his enemy, that's what the bible said in the end, so if Lucifer asked for his help, he could as well lend him a hand as a way to express his anger towards the _Almighty_.

Anger is a powerful feeling. Lucifer would know. And he gets it, really. He can understand Nick's anger and that's why he didn't want to give him the _Peace_ he was looking for. Lucifer didn't think the blond deserved going to Hell after that, because that would be his fate if he _died_. _Boss_ ' orders when you do things you shouldn't. Nick didn't even have an idea of how Hell really was. His anger would end up fading with time, and the punishment would break him until there was... nothing left.

That's why he had the stupid, silly hope that maybe, just maybe, James would change his mind, and keep fighting to help the blond. It would also prove him humans could be capable of doing what his older brother... didn't do for him. But Jimmy gave up, just like Michael gave up on him. This bothers him a little more when he thinks about this in particular.

 

A thought later, and the Devil wasn't in the old building anymore. His steps took him to the place James had picked to end with his life, and by the time he was there, the human body was cold and stiff as expected, more considering the weather. Lucifer's cold temperature didn't help with this either. Slow steps approached the corpse, and Lucifer had this cold, yet calm expression in his face. James died with his eyes open, the light once there, dead now. His blue eyes, a dark pale. And while his thoughts took him here and there, Lucifer knelt beside what once was supposed to be James, he continued looking at the lifeless body and he supposed the soul was already dealing with torture in the seventh circle of Hell, where suicidal people usually ended.

He brought a hand to James' face, and with two fingers he made sure the eyelids covered the dead blues. Lucifer seems stubborn into wanting to continue looking at the human's features, and wonder about which were his thoughts right before he died. He has an idea, his family, Castiel, probably Nick. At this point, he can't tell if the human really cared for his best friend, and while his fingers slid down to touch and feel the cold skin of Jimmy's left cheek, he tried to fight the impulse of getting his memories just to know what happened in the end. Minutes later, the Devil is successful into not giving in to the curiosity, and as he as well tries to keep his anger at bay, he lifted the corpse in between his arms. 

 

  
[Art made by [Renezinha](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha)]

There are things he would have wanted to tell James, he doubted the human could get the anger he now feels because, how was it possible? A single, little human making him feel like this for something it was usual to happen, _sadly_ some people would say, but that it was clear for the Devil? So he frowns, releases a breath, and thinks that Jimmy is getting what he asked for in the end. He wanted to die? He wanted pain? He surely is getting it now. After a couple of hours of being dead, he surely experienced a more than week of torture down there.

Should that be _enough_...?

Taking James to the old building room he used to occupy when he was around, he laid him down on the bed. He thinks about this, about James, about Nick. Days passed by, and while he still heard Nick sometimes within his mind, he doesn't tell him about what happened in the end. He could have told him, he thinks he should have, mostly to see if Nick would still care for his lover after knowing what he did, but Nick wasn't like that. Reading his mind, his thoughts, looking into the blond's story he just knew he would mourn Jimmy's death, only craving for his own more and more... So the Devil stays silent, he doesn't tell Nick that Jimmy is dead. 

Having to confront Gabriel later only makes Lucifer think more and more about humans, he tries to understand why some would take matters in different ways, and why some feelings would push them into doing things he would never do. But that's just him, and it didn't matter after all. Humans were so complicated as well, and just because of this, he thought that maybe, and just maybe, he could give Jimmy a new chance in life. He wasn't sure why, but the thought of James not being able to deal with so much pain makes him wonder if that's the reason of why he couldn't find it in him to save Nick. Because Lucifer has that on his mind most of the times, and it was mostly because that was the deal he offered, and he thought it was fair. Good.

Then why?

 Thinking about Nick though, he wouldn't give him the Peace in the form the blond was waiting for, but maybe something else...

  

* * *

 

 

“I told you... This would always happen in Detroit.” Lucifer's words while being inside his one true vessel didn't sound any different when it comes about showing his calm behaviour. Even after trolling the older Winchester a little and pretend it was still Sam behind the wheel. Dean's look obviously meant he was about to break, but Lucifer didn't stay there for that. 

He let him live, of course. There was no reason to even harm the Winchester when he got what he wanted in the end, so he took Nick with him, and vanished from there. Leaving Dean behind with his hands holding his head, trying to keep it together. 

And Lucifer still had to deal with a hard time now, waiting for the exact day for his confrontation with Michael, but before that, he made sure to heal Nick's wounds and let him rest in a hospital bed. Making what was needed to let nurses know what to do to deal with the human, also making them forget, if there was anyone that could see the blond's face and associate him with _Satan_ , about ever getting to side up with him. This way, he wouldn't be chased, and later could try to carry on with his life in case his plan, _worked_. His plan consisted in trying to convince Michael _not_ to fight, but well. 

Gazing down at the blond on the bed, Lucifer behind the younger Winchester's eyes, takes a soft breath. Reaching a cold hand to Nick's face, his thumb gently strokes his cheek, and gives him a little smile, even when the blond was now in a deep sleep. 

_Thanks for saying Yes to me anyway... This is now your reward._

  

* * *

 

James would open his eyes at the sight of Sam Winchester looking down at him, at least, that's what he thought. He looked too serious and calm to be the Sam he could remember at least, and that made him wonder. He was only certain it wasn't Sam anymore, when he saw him vanishing right after he tried to get a better glimpse of him. 

He was alone in the room he used to occupy when he agreed to the Devil's deal. And that's when it hit him...

He was supposed to be _dead_. 

Sitting up on the bed he groaned in pain. Right, mostly a ghostly reflex, a memory of what he had to endure in Hell for years. Down there at least, ended up being years. But now he was here, and he can't believe it. Confusion took over him, fear, and then _relief_. He cried without being capable to hold the tears back, but the pain was just too awful, too horrible... There was no way how to describe it with words.

He still remembers Hell.

 _Good_. 

Lucifer didn't give the human any explanation about why he chose to bring him back to life, and gave him, _again_ , a new chance. Maybe he thought that after getting a little taste of the pain down there, he would think twice before doing something so reckless as killing himself, next time. That's what he guessed, and that's what indeed, _was_. Frustration took over the human later, and Jimmy wasn't sure what to think of Satan anymore. There was still anger, but it was regarding other things. 

 

Days later James finds out that the Apocalypse was stopped, and that Lucifer was again inside his cage, only that this time he wasn't alone, apparently Michael and the vessels they were using, joined them as well. Dean told him that those were his little brothers. Sam, and his even younger brother Adam. Half-brother actually, but still.

This brings back the memory of Sam when he woke up right after being saved from Hell, making him realize it was indeed Lucifer back then. 

Narrowing his eyes, Jimmy took a deep breath. He remembers the call, the information. It wasn't Dean the one calling him, but the other way around when Jimmy felt himself so lost, and didn't know what to do. He hasn't even dared to go back to face Amelia, and that's because there was no reason anymore for it. Claire was back as well, apparently after being done with his mission, Castiel let her go and returned to Heaven. Thing that made his soul get a break, it were big news, wonderful news. So his daugther and Amelia were together again, and even when he missed them like crazy, he didn't have it in him to go after them. This time Jimmy thought he was going to do it right, and maybe his girls would be better and safe without him. Maybe someday in the future, things could change, but for now it was better if they stayed like this. He had a new opportunity in life, away from Hell, and he had to make it worth. 

That's what he thought while a little smile appeared on his lips, walking in the direction of the motel he has been frequenting lately...

And then he saw _him_. 

Nick was coming out from the hospital, wearing the nurse clothes he used to wear when was at work. He seemed happy and was smiling at this one woman. Woman that by the looks of it, seemed to be just a co-worker. And obviously, James couldn't help it but go straight at him to know if it was really him. He thought Nick was dead, Lucifer used to say the blond prefered to die if there was no reason for him to keep fighting. Then... Maybe Lucifer gave him a _reason_ in order to save him as well? 

“Nick...?” Jimmy would call him, and the blond turned to look at him with a curious look in his eyes, then a soft smile while he lifted his brows. What he says later though, was something completely unexpected for the younger man. 

“I'm sorry... Do I know you?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, Lucifer erased Nick's memories about Jimmy, and also modified the memory about how Nick's wife and baby boy, died. Let's say a car accident, reason that would help him understand why he woke up in a hospital. It's way better accepting a death if it was an accident, than having a psycho killing your family on their beds, especially a _baby_.
> 
> Thanks to my bunk-buddy [Renezinha](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha) for being my beta reader again.


End file.
